Good lord. What the hell is wrong with my city? Two assholes robbed Uncle Nick’s Deli on Manatee Ave. at 3:30 in the damn afternoon. They sound like brilliant criminals too.
They probably got at least $100 from the register. And shit, $100 won’t buy too many pills, but you can get a decent amount of heroin.
But maybe I’m being a dick. Maybe they are drug free and will just spend the $100 on shots at the Roo. Yeah, ok, whatever you want to believe.
3:30 in the damn afternoon??? Two people came in “the back door.” Note to Uncle Nick; keep the goddamn back door locked. That’s restaurant safety 101.
Anyway, I’m ready to see one of my locals interviewed about the daring heist.
“It was in the middle of broad daylight. It was terrifying. I was walking with my 7 kids up to Burger King when I saw a ruckus at that deli. I thought I was going to be shot. I guess it serves them Jews right for selling their bagels in Bradentucky. It’s probably a hate crime,” said Bradentucky resident Sally Mae Bumpkis.
I remember when that plaza had a TCBY Yogurt store in it. That was delicious. No one ever robbed a yogurt store. Shit, look what’s become of Bradentucky. It’s fuckin sad.
On a positive note; they two idiots will probably be found overdosed in an alley still wearing the masks they had on during the robbery. Thanks a lot Trump.