Florida

Sarasota Man pissed at Siesta Key MTV

siestaSo yeah, this Siesta Key MTV bullshit show premieres tomorrow night.  This local Sarasota dude is pissed about it and makes some good points.  I wouldn’t mind meeting Sarasota Man and buying him a beer.

Siesta Key MTV rant by Sarasota native

I don’t blame the guy for being pissed.  Of course MTV is garbage and everything produce is absolute garbage.

But hey, at least you are getting some exposure.  Even though that exposure is a bunch of spoiled rich kids fuckin around on the beach, partying on yachts and well, that’s about it.

Rumor has it, MTV was going to do a similar show in Bradentucky, but they couldn’t decide on the following show ideas:

  • Bradentucky- Beer, rednecks and overdoses; how the other half live
  • Opiated Bradentucky; the story of how a once sleepy beach town turned into the heroin capital of Florida
  • Real World Bradentucky– the true story of 10 Bradentuckians living from hit to hit; watch as they ride their bikes from the DeSoto Square parking lot to buy drugs and then pass out in ditches.

Oh, and I just heard that one of the Siesta Key MTV “stars” may be fishing buddies with the piece of shit kids who abuse animals.  That could be a rumor though, I’m not sure.  More on that to come.

 

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Bradentucky Shark dragging incident

Bradentucky Man is pissed, really pissed off.  Bradentucky Man has been fishin his whole life and this shit is not cool.  The following link shows some Bradentucky spoiled rich-kid fucks dragging a shark behind their speeding boats.

fish2

Check out the same pieces of shit with a Spotted Eagle Ray.  There are also pictures out there of these idiots boating large Tarpon.

Show some fucking respect to nature you spoiled assholes.  There is no place in Bradentucky for these disrespectful assholes.

Supposedly, the FWC is investigating the incident.  I hope there is some way to put these fuckers in jail.  If you are going to fish our beautiful waters, you have to be respectful.

There is nothing “sporting” about what these assholes did.

Fucking fake ass gangster Northwest Bradenton rich fucks.  I’m guessing they never made it past Palma Sola Blvd.  Fuck off you assholes.   Imagine one of these “fine gentlemen” dating one of your daughters……… I’m sure that would be fun.

I think they would all be best served with some swift, old-fashioned Bradentucky justice.  If you grew up here, you know what that means.

 

 

 

 

 

Robbery in Bradentucky, Florida

heroin-user-300x200Good lord.  What the hell is wrong with my city?  Two assholes robbed Uncle Nick’s Deli on Manatee Ave. at 3:30 in the damn afternoon.  They sound like brilliant criminals too.

They probably got at least $100 from the register.  And shit, $100 won’t buy too many pills, but you can get a decent amount of heroin.

But maybe I’m being a dick.  Maybe they are drug free and will just spend the $100 on shots at the Roo.  Yeah, ok, whatever you want to believe.

Uncle Nick’s Deli on Manatee Ave. was robbed.

3:30 in the damn afternoon???  Two people came in “the back door.”  Note to Uncle Nick; keep the goddamn back door locked.  That’s restaurant safety 101.

Anyway, I’m ready to see one of my locals interviewed about the daring heist.

“It was in the middle of broad daylight.  It was terrifying.  I was walking with my 7 kids up to Burger King when I saw a ruckus at that deli.  I thought I was going to be shot.  I guess it serves them Jews right for selling their bagels in Bradentucky.  It’s probably a hate crime,” said Bradentucky resident Sally Mae Bumpkis.

I remember when that plaza had a TCBY Yogurt store in it.  That was delicious.  No one ever robbed a yogurt store.  Shit, look what’s become of Bradentucky.  It’s fuckin sad.

On a positive note; they two idiots will probably be found overdosed in an alley still wearing the masks they had on during the robbery.  Thanks a lot Trump.

 

“tired” a poem by Bradentucky Man

drugstired

tired of the rhyming bull-shit, flowery, gentle hugs

of today’s poetry

tired of sunshine beams, rainbows with comfortable temps.

i want smelly hooker, dark alley cum-stained fingers

feeling up the innocents, making mouths gape, screaming for help

thrown into the stank puddles reflecting the gutters of real life.

tired of feel good dreams, idealistic dreams, dreams that only enlighten 1%.

i want the dejected, the forgotten, the pushed aside, the foreheads with spit dripping down into an eye that’s been forced shut for too long.

i want welfare, bad cheese, half smoked cigs, Boones farm cheap-ass wine, i want 40 ounces of beer that smells like homeless ass

that makes the bowels remember who is on the bottom rung.

i want real pain, i want real emotion, i want a real experience from someone on this fucking planet.

tired of all the happy shit,

it’s ok not to smile.

Bradentucky Man & Putin

putin-629959Bradentucky Man is a proud American.  No one can say I don’t love my country.  I love America almost as much as I love Bradentucky.

So I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I think Putin is playing the Trump family like a fine Russian fiddle.

I can’t believe what I’ve been reading about Don Jr. and his dumfuckery with that meeting.

I guess I understand it a little.  I mean you dangle some fine, Russian hotty in front of him and he bit hard.  But damn, you put it in emails??????trumpjr

Come on man.  Even Bradentucky Man knows you don’t put anything in email that you don’t want people to see.

Shit, that’s why I only use Snapchat.  You take a picture and they disappear forever.  You would be amazed at how many cock-shots I’ve sent with that app.  Can I get a “HELL YEAH?”

But seriously.  Look at Putin, he looks like a real man.  No fake tan, no bull-shit.  Hell, he would fit right in here in Bradentucky, fishin with no shirt on. (more…)

i used to love Trump……

ww3You know at first, I loved Trump.  I thought he was a breath of fresh air and a guy who wasn’t afraid to speak his damn mind.

But now I must admit, he’s a dip-shit and I’m worried that World War III may be right around the damn corner.

He said all the right things during the election.  I mean every time I watched him on a video, I got hard.  (Not in the I’m gay and hard for a dude kind of way)  Hard like, “damn this guy is going to show the world who has the biggest ball sack kind of hard.”

  • Put Hilary in jail- HELL YEAH.
  • Close the borders with a Muslim Ban- HELL YEAH.
  • Get rid of all those illegals who are raping our women and stealing our jobs- HELL YEAH.
  • Get rid of Obama Care- TRIPLE HELL YEAH

But hell, he ain’t really done none that shit that he promised.  He starts out with big ideas and then everything gets sliced and diced by all the crooked ass politicians.

And even though I supported him, it’s beginning to look like Putin has his extra-large hand right square up Trump’s ass.  Yep, I said it………. our President is a Putin-Puppet. (more…)

Back in the day (old Bradentucky)

desotoA long time ago, Bradenton was just Bradenton.  No one ever called it Bradentucky until the late 1990’s.  #FACT

I saw a story today in the online Bradenton Herald about a child being shot.  That fuckin’ pisses me off.  Back in the day; kids didn’t get shot in Bradenton.

I remember when I could ride my bike to G.T. Bray park, play sports all day with my friends and never worried about getting molested in the woods or getting shot.  Boy, those were the days.

But when my beloved city changed to Bradentucky; that’s when all the bull shit started creeping in.

  • Back in the day- I used to shop at DeSoto Square Mall with no fear.
  • Back in the day- I used to play with my friends outside after dark.
  • Back in the day- I could get to the beach in less than 10 minutes
  • Back in the day- it was nearly impossible to score opiates
  • Back in the day- there were always drunks

I know as the years go everything changes.  Sometimes though, it makes me a bit sad.  Yes, Bradentucky Man has feelings too and an occasional soft side.

 

 

 

 

religion & Bradentucky Man

houseBradentucky Man don’t dig on religion……. don’t dig on religion of any kind.  I’m a reasonable man and god/gods just lacks reason.

The damn universe is so big we don’t even know how big it really is.  At least that’s what the scientists say.  And them scientists are way smarter than me.

But I’ve read that some people don’t really believe in science.  That freakin’ baffles me.

Generally, I’m Republican all the way, but I have to separate from my man Trump and Pence when it comes to God.  There ain’t no God, give me a break.

If there was a God, then why did he let all them Catholic priests molest little boys????  Exactly, makes no sense.  How about all them little kids dying from cancer????  Exactly, makes no sense.

Damn, if there is a God, he’s a real Son of a Bitch.

Sure I can’t prove God ain’t real, but I also can’t prove there ain’t a Swimming Ravioli Monster in the oceans and we all know that ain’t real. maxresdefault

But I do know what is real…………. ALIENS.  I once had an “experience” with some and will write about that later.

Stay tuned………………………

Who is Bradentucky Man??

mainstreetWhere is he from? – Bradenton, FL (the greatest city on the fuckin’ planet.)

What does he like? – getting drunk, bikini girls, fishing, getting drunk, cussing at the police and getting drunk.

What are his views on politics? – “I’m tired of all the damn illegals taking our jobs.  Fuck Hilary and Obama, bunch a pussies.  Trump baby, that’s where it’s at,” Bradentucky Man.

What does he do for a job?“A little of this, a little of that, don’t fuckin worry about it,” Bradentucky Man.

What are his favorite restaurants? – Basil’s for chicken.  Demetrios for pizza and O’Bricks for fine dining.

What does he think about tourists/snow-birds? – Spend your money, stay off my bar-stool and mind your damn business.

What are his ultimate life goals? – Just make it to the next happy hour…….. and make Bradentucky Great Again.  Wooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!