Author: bradentuckyman

I am BradentuckyMan and I will make Bradenton, Florida great again. I drink, I fish, I like bikinis. I'm the realest man in this town, in this state..... in this fuckin' country.

Let Snooty RIP (idiot protestors)

snootyBradentucky Man is pissed.  For the love of fucking god, stop with the Snooty protests.   A few days ago, people were actually standing outside the South Florida Museum with signs demanding that people responsible for Snooty’s death should all be fired.

CRAZY ASS PEOPLE WITH NO LIVES PROTEST MUSEUM

Are you fucking kidding me?  Whoever made the fatal mistake must feel absolutely horrible.  The people working at the museum cared more about Snooty than anyone else in this community.  They have to be absolutely devastated.

I am all about animal rights and protecting nature, but these protestors are fucking nut bags.  It was a terrible, terrible accident, GET OVER IT.  Snooty had a great life.  As a matter of fact, he probably had the best life of any Manatee that has ever lived.

I love it when people care so much more about animals than they do about humans.  Only a couple of blocks from the protest, people are overdosing in the streets, kids are being abused, people are being robbed.  But yeah, protest a museum for making a mistake.

Hey protestors, you are the fucking problem.  Get a fucking life.  Stick to protesting the shark abusing assholes, now that’s a real problem.

(Related Posts: RIP Snooty a Bradentucky Legend, Smoking Sea Cows the Other White Meat.)

3 Murders in Bradentucky

prescription-drugs-addict-addictionDear Bradentuckians,

Spare me the whole, “Stop talking bad about Bradenton.  Bayshore Gardens is not a ghetto.”

Fact- Bayshore Gardens turned ghetto a long time ago.  And that’s not being racist.  Ride through there at night and you will see; white-trash, black-trash and hispanic-trash frolicking in the streets.  Sorry, but that’s the truth.

Just watch the video link below.  And thanks to the second guy not wearing a fucking shirt, classic Bradentucky.

Three people were murdered the other night in Bayshore Gardens, Bradentucky.

When this investigation is over, you are going to see that it was drug-related.  Don’t fucking be shocked.

Another Fact- Most of Bradenton turned to Bradentucky a long time ago.   Christ, I think we lead the state in opiate overdoses.  You can barely stop anywhere on Cortez without getting mean-mugged by some pill popper begging for money.

Bradentuckians, it’s time to take responsibility for the things you do and the way you act.

Stop being surprised about murders.  Murders go hand-in-hand with drug addicted cities.  And that’s what Bradentucky is…………… OPIATED.

I’m going to get some beers.  Cheers.

Animal abuse, MTV & Siesta Key

IMG953524-2Well, damn, you mean just because you delete a picture or video from your phone it doesn’t disappear forever?????

Take a look at this picture on the left.  This appears to be Alex Kompothecras, 1-800 Ask Gary’s kid.  He’s the spoiled brat who is the “star” of MTV’s latest garbage show called Siesta Key.

Take a look at the video link below.  I’m no scientist, but damn that looks like Alex.  If that’s not Alex, wearing a fucking Trump hat, shooting a hammerhead shark and laughing about it, well then I apologize.  But damn, that looks like him.

bradenton shark assholes at it again

And check this out, shortly before this video was released, MTV gave a very MTV garbage-like statement.

MTV Responds to Siesta Key Shark-Dragging Controversy

I really hope something can be done to punish all these people who treat animals this way.  I’m a Bradentucky native.  I’ve fished these waters my entire life.  I’ve never treated animals this way and never have 99% of my fellow Bradentuckians who respect nature.

Fuck these guys…………..with no Vaseline.

(Again, if the person in this video is not Alex, then I apologize.)

Related Posts (Bradentucky Shark Abusers, Leave Town Assholes, Bradentucky Shark Dragging Incident, Siesta Key Spoiled Rich Kids, Sarasota Man Pissed at Siesta Key MTV.)

Sarasota Man pissed at Siesta Key MTV

siestaSo yeah, this Siesta Key MTV bullshit show premieres tomorrow night.  This local Sarasota dude is pissed about it and makes some good points.  I wouldn’t mind meeting Sarasota Man and buying him a beer.

Siesta Key MTV rant by Sarasota native

I don’t blame the guy for being pissed.  Of course MTV is garbage and everything produce is absolute garbage.

But hey, at least you are getting some exposure.  Even though that exposure is a bunch of spoiled rich kids fuckin around on the beach, partying on yachts and well, that’s about it.

Rumor has it, MTV was going to do a similar show in Bradentucky, but they couldn’t decide on the following show ideas:

  • Bradentucky- Beer, rednecks and overdoses; how the other half live
  • Opiated Bradentucky; the story of how a once sleepy beach town turned into the heroin capital of Florida
  • Real World Bradentucky– the true story of 10 Bradentuckians living from hit to hit; watch as they ride their bikes from the DeSoto Square parking lot to buy drugs and then pass out in ditches.

Oh, and I just heard that one of the Siesta Key MTV “stars” may be fishing buddies with the piece of shit kids who abuse animals.  That could be a rumor though, I’m not sure.  More on that to come.

 

Bradentucky shark abusers; leave town assholes

mangled sharkWell shit, it looks like the asshole, animal abusers may actually have some justice coming their way.  Thankfully, the video of them abusing a shark has gone viral.  And now the FWC is on the case.

And holy shit, because of these fuck-tards, Bradentucky made it to the NY Post.  Thanks a lot assholes, way to give more people an extra reason to hate Bradentucky.

These kids are complete assholes and show no regard, no respect for nature.  They are all sad excuses for human beings.  They are in fact, HUMAN GARBAGE.

I am worried that they will get away with this. One of the assholes is named Michael Wenzel.  His dad works for Manatee County.  Another one of the assholes is named Robert Lee “Bo” Benack and his mother is the chairwoman of the Manatee County commission.  There’s a real good chance that mommy and daddy have been keeping these pieces of shit out of trouble for a long time.  So don’t be surprised if nothing happens to them.

wenzel2So, here we have some rich, spoiled Bradentucky assholes who have zero conscious and zero respect for the beautiful animals and nature that makes our city special.

If someone can treat innocent animals this way, how do they treat people???

I’m a life long Bradentucky resident and I think I speak for all of Bradentucky when I say that these pieces of shit need to leave town.

Bradentucky has nothing for you.  You are not Bradentucky. 

You are WHITE-FUCKING-TRASH.

WHITE-FUCKING-TRASH

I would like to thank the good people in our community who helped make this go viral.

 

 

 

 

Bradentucky Shark dragging incident

Bradentucky Man is pissed, really pissed off.  Bradentucky Man has been fishin his whole life and this shit is not cool.  The following link shows some Bradentucky spoiled rich-kid fucks dragging a shark behind their speeding boats.

fish2

Check out the same pieces of shit with a Spotted Eagle Ray.  There are also pictures out there of these idiots boating large Tarpon.

Show some fucking respect to nature you spoiled assholes.  There is no place in Bradentucky for these disrespectful assholes.

Supposedly, the FWC is investigating the incident.  I hope there is some way to put these fuckers in jail.  If you are going to fish our beautiful waters, you have to be respectful.

There is nothing “sporting” about what these assholes did.

Fucking fake ass gangster Northwest Bradenton rich fucks.  I’m guessing they never made it past Palma Sola Blvd.  Fuck off you assholes.   Imagine one of these “fine gentlemen” dating one of your daughters……… I’m sure that would be fun.

I think they would all be best served with some swift, old-fashioned Bradentucky justice.  If you grew up here, you know what that means.

 

 

 

 

 

RIP Snooty (a Bradentucky legend)

snootyBradentucky Man is pissed.  I just can’t believe it’s true.  I woke up yesterday, went online and saw that Bradentucky’s precious mascot Snooty had died.

He was 69 years old and they just had a huge birthday party for him at the South Florida Museum the day before.

The world’s oldest, captive Manatee is dead.  He was 69 fucking years old.  He lived through 12 presidents from 1948 to the present.  But there was one president Snooty couldn’t survive…………… Donald Fuckin Trump.

Coincidence????  I think not.

This is a clear instance of the Trump team colluding with Russia to kill one of West Coast Florida’s treasured mascot’s.  My sources are telling me that Trump has always been angry at the South Florida Museum.

Apparently, a few years ago, Trump attempted to buy Snooty for an undisclosed amount because he wanted to showcase him in a fountain at the front of his Mar-A-Lago Country Club.

mar-a-lago_fountain3_ferrara_all_rights_reservedThe Museum was furious and immediately spurned Trump’s request.  This did not sit well with our President.  He was somewhat quoted as once saying, “I will get revenge on that damn Sea-Cow if it kills me.  I promise you that.” (more…)

Siesta Key spoiled rich kids (MTV)

Siesta-Key-Cast-Photo-resizedGive me a fucking break.  This MTV Siesta Key reality show is going to be bull-shit.  Of course MTV wants to film a bunch of spoiled, rich kids dicking around on a beautiful beach.

This is just pure MTV laziness.  They followed around a bunch of rich kids partying on Siesta Key during the summer.  Wow, fucking genius idea MTV (sarcasm).

Check out the picture of the “cast.”  Just your normal group of young people with extra abs and zero body fat.  Oh, thanks MTV for throwing in a token “almost” black guy.

I can see the drama now:

  • “OMG, I need help putting on my bronzer on.  Don’t they have lotion boys on this beach???”
  •  “Bro, what do you mean I can’t do shots on the beach?  Don’t you know my dad is rich?”
  • “I’m so tired of sweating out here.  Can you tell your dad to buy a super-huge air conditioner for the beach?  All this sweat is clogging my pores and keeping the alcohol from seeping out.”

MTV should let me take a few of my boys to Siesta to visit these kids and show them what Bradentucky is all about.  We would bitch-slap these spoiled brats and steal all of their alcohol.  And yes, we would be wearing jean-shorts and confederate flag hats during the process.

That would be “reality” and that would be ratings gold.

 

 

Robbery in Bradentucky, Florida

heroin-user-300x200Good lord.  What the hell is wrong with my city?  Two assholes robbed Uncle Nick’s Deli on Manatee Ave. at 3:30 in the damn afternoon.  They sound like brilliant criminals too.

They probably got at least $100 from the register.  And shit, $100 won’t buy too many pills, but you can get a decent amount of heroin.

But maybe I’m being a dick.  Maybe they are drug free and will just spend the $100 on shots at the Roo.  Yeah, ok, whatever you want to believe.

Uncle Nick’s Deli on Manatee Ave. was robbed.

3:30 in the damn afternoon???  Two people came in “the back door.”  Note to Uncle Nick; keep the goddamn back door locked.  That’s restaurant safety 101.

Anyway, I’m ready to see one of my locals interviewed about the daring heist.

“It was in the middle of broad daylight.  It was terrifying.  I was walking with my 7 kids up to Burger King when I saw a ruckus at that deli.  I thought I was going to be shot.  I guess it serves them Jews right for selling their bagels in Bradentucky.  It’s probably a hate crime,” said Bradentucky resident Sally Mae Bumpkis.

I remember when that plaza had a TCBY Yogurt store in it.  That was delicious.  No one ever robbed a yogurt store.  Shit, look what’s become of Bradentucky.  It’s fuckin sad.

On a positive note; they two idiots will probably be found overdosed in an alley still wearing the masks they had on during the robbery.  Thanks a lot Trump.

 

“tired” a poem by Bradentucky Man

drugstired

tired of the rhyming bull-shit, flowery, gentle hugs

of today’s poetry

tired of sunshine beams, rainbows with comfortable temps.

i want smelly hooker, dark alley cum-stained fingers

feeling up the innocents, making mouths gape, screaming for help

thrown into the stank puddles reflecting the gutters of real life.

tired of feel good dreams, idealistic dreams, dreams that only enlighten 1%.

i want the dejected, the forgotten, the pushed aside, the foreheads with spit dripping down into an eye that’s been forced shut for too long.

i want welfare, bad cheese, half smoked cigs, Boones farm cheap-ass wine, i want 40 ounces of beer that smells like homeless ass

that makes the bowels remember who is on the bottom rung.

i want real pain, i want real emotion, i want a real experience from someone on this fucking planet.

tired of all the happy shit,

it’s ok not to smile.