Bradentucky Man is pissed. I just can’t believe it’s true. I woke up yesterday, went online and saw that Bradentucky’s precious mascot Snooty had died.
He was 69 years old and they just had a huge birthday party for him at the South Florida Museum the day before.
The world’s oldest, captive Manatee is dead. He was 69 fucking years old. He lived through 12 presidents from 1948 to the present. But there was one president Snooty couldn’t survive…………… Donald Fuckin Trump.
Coincidence???? I think not.
This is a clear instance of the Trump team colluding with Russia to kill one of West Coast Florida’s treasured mascot’s. My sources are telling me that Trump has always been angry at the South Florida Museum.
Apparently, a few years ago, Trump attempted to buy Snooty for an undisclosed amount because he wanted to showcase him in a fountain at the front of his Mar-A-Lago Country Club.
The Museum was furious and immediately spurned Trump’s request. This did not sit well with our President. He was somewhat quoted as once saying, “I will get revenge on that damn Sea-Cow if it kills me. I promise you that.”
My sources are also telling me that three mysterious plumbers with Russian accents were spotted at Snooty’s birthday bash acting very strangely.
One party goer said, “There were these three weird Russian dudes asking where ‘the cow-fish tank’ was. They had really mean looks on their faces. They just seemed guilty.”
A “behind the scenes” investigation is being conducted. Stay tuned for more updates.
RIP Snooty, Bradentucky will miss you.