Smokin’ Sea Cows (the other white meat)

Snooty, aquarium 2004My daddy always said, “Hey boy, anything tastes good if you smoke it long enough.”  Damn, my daddy was smart.

Like most red-blooded Americans, I love me some barbecue.  Ribs, chicken, pulled pork………… delicious.

But I ain’t the average guy.  I’m BradentuckyMan and I’m resourceful.  I been fishin’ the waters around Bradentucky since before I could walk.  I always notice the Manatees are everywhere.

If you don’t know what a Manatee is, google “sea cow.”
They kind a look like some type a weird dinosaur.  They eat a lot of vegetation and fart a lot.

They are beautiful, harmless creatures.  But unfortunately, they end up getting hit by boaters and wash up dead on-shore.  It’s sad, but a fact of life.  I’m a nature guy, so I grab the dead Manatees and take em’ home.dead_manatee

They have really tough skin and it’s a bitch to get that top layer off.  Once I get it off, I soak em’ in my special BradentucyMan Marinade (in stores soon, hopefully) and then smoke em’ for about 4-5 days.

It tastes absolutely delicious.  Kind of like a chicken-squirrel mix.

I tried to enter my famous Smoked-Manatee sandwiches at the Seafood Festival, but some fuckin’ hippies kicked me out, said something about me bein’ inhumane.

Whatever, bunch a bull-shit.  I only harvest Manatees that are hit by boats and wash up dead.  Well, if they are almost dead, I may assist them a bit, but that’s another story.

I’m going to start selling smoked Manatee sandwiches (the other white meat) in the BP parking lot out by the interstate every Sunday.  Come get some.

And remember, “Anything tastes good if you smoke it long enough.”

 

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